The problem, you see, is that I don't think we can be friends any longer.
She'll forgive you, of course. Completely and without hesitation in an instant because that's who she is, and I guess, ironically, we are now friends of friends, but our relationship has changed.
The fact of the matter is that I can almost picture why you left and why you stood her up, but I can't even be certain if that wasn't all an act as well. There are a multitude of things you could have done differently to make amends on Tuesday, but you chose to do none of them. Perhaps you were scared, and I can forgive that. I get scared too, often, and I already know you are a braver person than me.
I can not, however, excuse how you came in after the fact and made up excuses for your behaviour and your absence. On top of that, you wanted me to lie to her on your behalf, to act as your accomplice as you played on her sympathy. I am proud to consider her my friend as she is undeniably one of the best people I know: genuine, honest and considerate to a fault. I was proud to consider you my friend as I thought you, too, were truthful and generous, strong in your beliefs and, as I previously mentioned, heroic and brave despite the lot that fate has left you. I introduced her because there aren't enough good people in this life, and it only makes the world a better place for the "good ones" to know each other. But the moment you asked me to tell her that you had an attack or fell on the way to the caf, I knew you were only playing on her sympathy and good nature. I don't know why you felt maybe I'd be on your side, but I can't forget that.
It has bothered me for the past twenty-four hours that I reprimanded you, almost like a small child, because even if I still don't feel like I was in the wrong, you are in no condition to argue back. It only made it simpler for me to accept, though, when you tried to appease me by further appealing to my sympathy by joking about suicide because you "felt so bad", but you must have noticed that even in our crowded room, you were the only one laughing there. I've considered why I've let this bother me so much all day, and I think I now know why.
I no longer trust you.
I hate to side with the bible-thumpers but I have to admit I bought into their argument that perhaps your condition was a slight blessing in disguise. You always come in and preach the Bible, trying to find a witness to all the wisdom that you have picked up in your spare time as you find strength and comfort in the Truth. Even as you come in on other days and entrust us with your weaknesses as you talk about women and sexuality, I chalked it up to a momentarily lapse in faith, and it was our duty to help pick you back up. As Dave has oft-mentioned though, we can't pick you up if you refuse to help yourself. Now I can't help but notice that you pick and choose the passages from the Word that help your cause, and use your condition to play on people's emotions and take advantage of their generosity. Your words in your "moments of weakness" label you as a sexist and a pervert, and your behaviour makes you self-serving and opportunistic. You prey not just on hers, but on everyone's emotions when it fits your agenda to find companionship, food or whatever favours you require, and I can't forgive nor forget that easily.
I believed you to be a genuinely good person who was strong in the face of adversity and, in turn, I did my best to be good to you. But now I can't help but feel that I was lied to and taken advantage of because it was nothing but a false front. This makes you, to me, a liar and a con artist of the worst kind. I've gone out of my way so often to make this department feel like a second home for you. Now it kills me that I can't even trust you any more because I don't know who you actually are. I know you can't be as bad as my anger wants me to think you are right now, but you certainly aren't the righteous person I thought you were.
I'm sorry it had to come to this.
She'll forgive you, of course. Completely and without hesitation in an instant because that's who she is, and I guess, ironically, we are now friends of friends, but our relationship has changed.
The fact of the matter is that I can almost picture why you left and why you stood her up, but I can't even be certain if that wasn't all an act as well. There are a multitude of things you could have done differently to make amends on Tuesday, but you chose to do none of them. Perhaps you were scared, and I can forgive that. I get scared too, often, and I already know you are a braver person than me.
I can not, however, excuse how you came in after the fact and made up excuses for your behaviour and your absence. On top of that, you wanted me to lie to her on your behalf, to act as your accomplice as you played on her sympathy. I am proud to consider her my friend as she is undeniably one of the best people I know: genuine, honest and considerate to a fault. I was proud to consider you my friend as I thought you, too, were truthful and generous, strong in your beliefs and, as I previously mentioned, heroic and brave despite the lot that fate has left you. I introduced her because there aren't enough good people in this life, and it only makes the world a better place for the "good ones" to know each other. But the moment you asked me to tell her that you had an attack or fell on the way to the caf, I knew you were only playing on her sympathy and good nature. I don't know why you felt maybe I'd be on your side, but I can't forget that.
It has bothered me for the past twenty-four hours that I reprimanded you, almost like a small child, because even if I still don't feel like I was in the wrong, you are in no condition to argue back. It only made it simpler for me to accept, though, when you tried to appease me by further appealing to my sympathy by joking about suicide because you "felt so bad", but you must have noticed that even in our crowded room, you were the only one laughing there. I've considered why I've let this bother me so much all day, and I think I now know why.
I no longer trust you.
I hate to side with the bible-thumpers but I have to admit I bought into their argument that perhaps your condition was a slight blessing in disguise. You always come in and preach the Bible, trying to find a witness to all the wisdom that you have picked up in your spare time as you find strength and comfort in the Truth. Even as you come in on other days and entrust us with your weaknesses as you talk about women and sexuality, I chalked it up to a momentarily lapse in faith, and it was our duty to help pick you back up. As Dave has oft-mentioned though, we can't pick you up if you refuse to help yourself. Now I can't help but notice that you pick and choose the passages from the Word that help your cause, and use your condition to play on people's emotions and take advantage of their generosity. Your words in your "moments of weakness" label you as a sexist and a pervert, and your behaviour makes you self-serving and opportunistic. You prey not just on hers, but on everyone's emotions when it fits your agenda to find companionship, food or whatever favours you require, and I can't forgive nor forget that easily.
I believed you to be a genuinely good person who was strong in the face of adversity and, in turn, I did my best to be good to you. But now I can't help but feel that I was lied to and taken advantage of because it was nothing but a false front. This makes you, to me, a liar and a con artist of the worst kind. I've gone out of my way so often to make this department feel like a second home for you. Now it kills me that I can't even trust you any more because I don't know who you actually are. I know you can't be as bad as my anger wants me to think you are right now, but you certainly aren't the righteous person I thought you were.
I'm sorry it had to come to this.
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